Tuesday, April 14, 2015
A Few Good Men - Gay Dating & Relationships
I always try to tell people that dating does not equal a relationship. A relationship is when two people communicate that they want to become exclusive and that really, is only your business. However we live in the day of social media where status is affirmed through the likes, approval or even disapproval from friends and associates of a potential partner. I can only imagine what dating was like before social media. The word must have really gotten around slowly. I think it is one reason why relationships lasted longer then, than they do now.
I hate to assume, but I always assume that any attractive guy worth the time of day will have on average at least two guys interested in them. This comes with the territory of dating and where communication becomes crucial. Not assuming honestly, will probably leave you heart broken. I believe that if no communication is made at least once a day then...you're plan B...or C. If you are lucky plan A or the only center of attention then making time for each other is fundamental if things are going to work. Dating, just like relationships are a game of give and take, compromise and letting your guard down which I will get into later in this blog. Dating should not be stressful or strenuous. It should be fun and filled with good times in getting to know one another. So what if you are really into them but they are not really into you? or vice versa? This is nothing but a recipe for disaster if this isn't communicated. I can speak from personal experience that leading someone on makes things so complicated when it shouldn't be. If there are other potentials in the picture then that should be expressed so there will be no surprises in the long run.
So when things go wrong we acquire baggage. Understanding that we have been hurt by someone we were really into, some of us try to either rush into another "situationship" and or put up walls of protection. I have done the later. I wrote a couple of years ago about my dating situation. I have remained relatively out of the light of dating anyone seriously after a bad experience. From a few brief dates since then, I have learned that everyone is not for everybody. Whether one is out, in the closet, a socialite, a homebody, black, white or Latino - I believe chemistry trumps all. If there is no chemistry then that should be expressed and amicably move on.
This leads me to think that we must be true with ourselves. Do you really want a serious relationship? Or just someone to show off on social media? Is it seasonal or are you in for the long run? These are questions that we must be honest with ourselves before stringing someone along.
I will leave this post with a few lyrics from the song "Everybody Plays The Fool" by an old skool group, The Main Ingredient -
"Falling in love is such an easy thing to do
And there's no guarantee that the one you love
Is gonna love you"