Thursday, June 7, 2012

Gay Relationships - Number 2

I have decided to revisit this topic since it has been a while. Wait let me be honest. I am revisiting it because as I was browsing Facebook, I noticed someone I once dated pretty hard is now in 2 year relationship.( In gay years that's like 10 years.) I am happy for him and I hope it all works well but it leaves me with two thoughts. Why can't most gays, especially black gays who claim to want to be in a relationship, find or maintain one and the second thought is, what am I doing?

I think that most young black gays find the idea and concept of being in a relationship the best thing that could happen but then when they do get into one, most don't know how to act. It is something different to be tied down. Then comes the tasks of balancing time with friends and even family, and learning how to compromise amongst other things depending on the relationship. In the end, I always hear that someone cheated or he wasn't right for me which is fine, but you have to ask before you get into something serious, what will the basis of this relationship be? Sex, money, other benefits? Be honest with him and yourself upfront.

For me, I think it would be easier to date anyone who is not from DC, lol. I love them southern grown or that northern swag. Now honestly I could have been in a relationship. At the time I didn't want to settle down. You will rarely hear me pouting about being single. On the other hand it is nice to know you have someone with your best interests at heart that you can share intimate moments with. Plus I'm picky, lol.

It all comes down to what makes you happy. Being single isn't a bad thing but for those truly seeking, keep those few things in minds.



Will said...

Hey Keith, great post. I agree with a lot of what you said. But I don’t think it’s something that’s exclusive to young black gay men. Older men often face it too. People are more interested in being in a relationship than having the right person. I always say, some people would rather have ANY man than NO man at all.

Everyone certainly wants to have love and companionship and you’re right that a lot of people do not know how to treat one another once they find someone. First, one problem is some people don’t choose wisely. As much as looks, sex, and money can make our mouth water, a potential mate needs to have more. Unfortunately, too many black gay men focus on those things. Few people ever really get into learning about your character, personality, goals, life dreams, etc.

Another problem in my opinion is a lack of modeling. We don’t see a lot of good examples of positive couples. For the most part (and this is often true of both the gay and straight community), couples tend to hang out with other couples, and singles spend much of their time with other singles. The two groups seldom spend very much time together. But to me, if you have the right person, it becomes easier to share him with your friends and family.

In the end, it is good to have someone special to spend time with who is always thinking of you and doing sweet things to make you smile. You never have to wonder what you’ll be doing this weekend. You know that whatever it is you’ll be doing, the two of you will be doing together.

Anonymous said...

I like this blog. I've a few things to say. Alot of people who complained being single don't even know how to act in a relationship whether it's sex, money or just lust. I'm proudly happy to be single, but there are time I say to myself, I wonder how it feel to be in a relationship, but sometime I'm saying I'm glad to be single from what I hear people in relationship say about their partner. Also when people get into relationship, they feel like they have to change and it messes with their relationship. If I'm going to be committed to you, I'm still going to act the way I did when I met you and that attracted you to me. People often get in the relationship thinkging they're supposed to change and that's not the case. I think that's why alot of relationship fails.